Take Control of Your Life

Learn how to help yourself before you help others. That is going to be the ultimate lesson in today’s article. But just because you know the ultimate lesson does not mean you should skip this article.


Do you remember an article about beta males being too nice? If you don’t – make sure you reread it.

Being nice is fine. Bending over backwards being too nice is not okay. We are not pushovers and we are not people pleasers. We are Alpha.

When you’re trying to improve yourself or take control of your life, you’re bound to run into some mental barriers. The most common mental barriers you’ll encounter are the following –

  • I can’t do it. It’s too hard.
  • This is a waste of time. I don’t see any changes.
  • People will think I’m an idiot.
  • People will make fun of me.
  • Everyone is going to think I’m an asshole.
  • I’ll get made fun of.

I used to think I’d b e embarrassed if I ever did anything. Not if I did anything stupid. Just if I did anything. I used to brain fuck myself into not doing anything. I cared too much about everyone else and not enough about myself.

It wasn’t until someone I got a lot of advice from told me that embarrassment is something that goes on in your own head. No one makes you feel embarrassed. You make yourself feel embarrassed.

Whether I felt embarrassed or I didn’t want to upset anyone or bother anyone…it all came down to not giving myself enough respect to be who I wanted to be.

Sometimes, you just have to be selfish. 

When you want something, you have to ask. But what stops most of us from asking for something? Whether it be help with our job search, help with our life, money…anything? We fear rejection. And we care about what the other person will think. Will they think I’m a loser for asking? Will they not want to be friends with me anymore if I show vulnerability?

Sometimes, you just have to be selfish.

Whocares what they think. You want what’s best for you right? And you have to make it happen. So you have to ask. Whether the outcome will be positive or negative, you need to be selfish for your own selfish reasons.

If you start being selfish, good things happen. 

Just using this example of asking for help. If you ask enough people for help because you have decided to choose yourself you will eventually find what you’re looking for. It might not happen right away, but it will. I can promise you that. But if you never choose yourself and never act in your own best interest, then you will always struggle internally with what you want and what you’re willing to do to get it.

If you’re trying to become more  alpha then it’s likely you want to start changing the way you think and your behavior. You might even eliminate some of the betas out of your life. But you’ll only really succeed if you’re selfish.

If you’re too worried about other people, you won’t think about what’s best for yourself.

Imagine that you’ve said “Yes” your whole life. And now you want to start saying “No.” It’s hard to do if you are too worried about the reactions of others. Sure, people may like you when you’re a “Yes” man and start to dislike you if you are a “No” man. And that’s a good thing.

Let people show their true colors when you start to be selfish and do what’s right for YOU and not right for Others.

It will make you realize being selfish was the right decision.

Good things happen when you’re selfish.

You stop thinking about others so you start doing what you want.

  • When you’re not selfish: You get your Starbucks drink made wrong but you just say “it’s okay” because you don’t want the barista to get annoyed.
  • When you’re selfish: You tell the barista this is not what you ordered. Because it isn’t.
  • When you’re not selfish: Your coworker tells you to do something because they don’t want to do it. And you say okay.
  • When you’re selfish: You realize you’re not someone’s b*tch and you say “I can’t. I’m busy.”
  • When you’re not selfish: You might see a pretty girl but don’t want your friends to think you’re weird for trying to flirt with her.
  • When you’re selfish: You talk to the pretty girl because you can.
  • When you’re selfish: You know your self worth and ask for it. Or you look until you find it.
  • When you’re not selfish: You take what people want to give you. For example, the pay you get is what you think you get.
  • When you’re not selfish: You stick around at a job longer than you should because the people are nice.
  • When you’re selfish: You know your potential and you find an environment that you can thrive in.
  • When you’re not selfish: You don’t change because you want to be considerate of other people
  • When you’re selfish: You do what’s best for you

I’ve said this, and I’ll say it again. When you start to change, people will start to say things. They’ll start saying things like –

“What’s wrong with you?” 

“Why are you acting like this?”

“Dude, you’re changing man!”

“Why are you trying to be someone you’re not.”

“Stop being weird.”

“Stop making a scene.”

Don’t listen to the naysayers. Don’t listen to those that aren’t supportive. They want you to be a loser forever. And I don’t mean this as a joke or to be funny.

If you want to change because you’re not happy with who you are or you believe you can be better, then do not let people hold you back. You must be selfish unless you want to be a loser for the rest of your life. And be losers with these losers that want you to be the same person you’ve always been.

It takes a very special person to have this mentality. To be able to truly choose themselves over others. To be selfish and look out for themselves before they look out for the interest of others.

Whether its just changing how you walk or changing how you dress. If you care too much about the reactions and thoughts of other people, it will be very difficult for you to become who you really want to become.

I can tell you from first hand experience that in order to be truly successful you need to be selfish.

  • This means being true to yourself.
  • This means doing what’s in the best interest for the rest of your life.
  • This means speaking up.
  • This means acting on your thoughts.
  • This means pursuing the things that interest you.
  • This does not mean living someone else’s dream.
  • This does not mean you should ask “what will so and so think if I do this?”
  • This does not mean you should want everyone to like you.
  • This does not mean you should live your life for others.

The Ultimate Reasons Why You Need to Be Selfish

  1. You will be happier
  2. You will stop mind f*cking yourself into not doing things you really want to do
  3. You will have more success (career, girls, life)
  4. People will respect you more
  5. People will look up to you and wonder how you can be so awesome
  6. You can start helping others once you’ve found your own way
  7. You’ll feel free
  8. You can finally be you

Final Thoughts

You can’t be a 10 at life if you think like a 2. I’ll leave it at that for today.

Be Bold. Be Alpha.

Get our FREE ebook. 19 Steps to Being Alpha!

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • pieter

    great article, loved it


    i recently started working in construction (front renovation) and now i’m working in a muslimdistrict.
    there are always cuties passing by while we’re working and i’m thinking… if i just chat them up for 1 sec i’d feel better.

    so in this case it’s better to be more selfish, correct?

    • Gotta live your life. If you feel like saying something, you should. If you aren’t ready, don’t sweat it. There will always be girls around.

  • Brian

    I am passing up opportunities to get higher positions at work. The responsibility of these positions requires time and energy which will take away all the time I use for personal interests/hobbies. I like my job and was wondering if I had a beta attitude by not giving a shit about climbing the corporate ladder.

    • It’s not always about the money or the job titles. It’s about being happy. If, right now, you have other things you want to focus on doing…then do that. It’s about doing what you want to do. And it sounds like you’re doing that. Just don’t be stupid about it. Have a plan. It doesn’t have to be the perfect plan. But have a plan so you know when you veer too far off and need to steer yourself back on track. The last thing you want is to have a lot of fun when you’re young and when you get old wonder “what happened?”