Betas are funny creatures. They think they need to ask for permission and have a reason for any and everything.
Today’s alpha tip is to stop giving away so much information.
If you have kids you might notice something – when a child wants something, he’ll not only ask for it but he’ll give a bunch of reasons why he should get what he wants.
Take a simple example of a beta person that I used to work with. Let’s call him Martin.
Martin was definitely a ball-less male. Always afraid of what people thought of him. A complete people pleaser and yes man. And one of those guys that just shared a little too much information.
He requested time off in advance. A day off for a doctor’s appointment. He got approval.
The day before the day off he reminded his manager and the people he worked with that he was taking the day off. Everyone said “Okay.” No one asked what he was doing or what was wrong. They just said “Okay.”
But Martin, being the beta male that he is, was afraid people were going to judge him for whatever reason. So he explained, “yea, I have this rash I’ve been meaning to get checked and this was the only time I could get an appointment. It really itches and I would have loved to go see the doctor on the weekend but he doesn’t have any appointments so I have to go tomorrow. But I’ll work remotely if I need to.”
Dafuq?? (The F*ck for some of you guys).
No one wants to know about Martin’s rash. Probably not even the doctor seeing him. Martin is like many though. He thinks he needs to always explain himself so people don’t judge him. Don’t be like Martin.
But This Isn’t The Only Time
The problem with long winded explanations or unnecessary explanations are that they usually make you look like you’re hiding something or uncertain of yourself.
Think about times when you have to answer a yes or no question. But instead of answering “Yes” or “No” you go off on a tangent giving a bunch more detail that no one wants to know. For one, this annoys people. For two, it makes it seem like you might not be sure of your answer so you’re giving all this additional detail no one requested.
Lengthly explanations can be counterproductive to your answers. People will get lost in your explanation.
Don’t Be Afraid to Be Concise
A lot of betas think short answers are bad and people will get upset. This is not true. If someone wants a more detailed explanation they will ask a follow-up question.
Rather than give long explanations just give your answer or get your answer and move on. In the case of Martin, when everyone said “Okay” that should have been the end of it.
- Shorten your explanations if you give then
- Say everything you need to say upfront so you don’t have to make a long winded statement to get everything in
- Figure out what is necessary information and unnecessary information
This all might take time to do but in the long run it will pay off if you want to be alpha.
This whole idea of not having to explain yourself is similar to another subject we will get to soon called “Selling Beyond Yes”…the idea that people don’t know when to shut up after they’ve already made the sale so they actually lose the sale by continuing to sell.
Until then, use this tip to Be Alpha.