Take Control of Your Life

Being a beta male is a terrible way to live your life. I know this from experience.

After you know the difference between a beta male and an alpha male, they are very easy to spot.

We’re all about helping here. But we only help when someone wants the help. We don’t go out of our way to help someone that isn’t open to taking control of their life.

When you’re ready, we’re here for you.

I want to tell you a story about a beta male that I met a few years back. And I want to tell you how he overcame some beta male struggles and was well on his way to being alpha. Hopefully you can get some lessons from this story.

I’ll call this story, The Struggling Beta Male.

The Struggling Beta Male

There’s a beta male we tried to help awhile back., we’ll call him Jed.

Jed was the typical beta male. Nice guy. He studied hard because he didn’t want to let his friends down. He didn’t know how to socialize correctly. And dressed like his mother dressed him when he was in middle school.  A typical guy that was just hoping luck would strike him and he would not be a sexless loser his entire life.

Does Jed sound familiar? Maybe you can relate to him?

The problem with Jed was that he was unfamiliar with what an alpha and a beta male was. He was under the assumption he was normal and life is what it is.

In 2009, I began to help Jed out while in business school because I felt bad for the guy. People were laughing at him and not with him. But he was clueless.

We started with his style. He had below average “nice guy” style. What I mean by this is dirty out o style tennis shoes were his every day and going out shoes. Cargo shorts. Oversized polo shirts. Out of style geek classes that make him look like the joke that gets picked last on any team.

Sometimes Starting Small Is Hard

First we had a discussion about his life. He had a crush on a girl at school that would be nice and talk to him.

He made himself believe that if a girl talked to him that must have meant she was in love with him.

But he was always upset that she would also ignore him. His life revolved around trying to get this girl’s attention.

The only thing I could really do was be honest with him. I’m not one to lie to someone or tell them what they want to hear.

  • I told him he was socially awkward.
  • He didn’t know how to dress well.
  • And he fell in love with a girl that he barely knew.
  • There was probably more but it’s been 5 years so I can’t really remember it all.

He didn’t believe me. 

As with most beta males, even if you point out the obvious it’s hard for them to see the truth. This makes total sense though, because if they actually knew something was wrong they would make changes.

Images Are More Powerful Than Words

One way I like to get my point across is to use images. In this case, I showed Jed photos of him side by side other men for comparison sake. Finally, I began to make a breakthrough.

He finally saw that his style was terrible. And reminding him that he was a sexless loser and was on track to continue down that path really hit home.

So The Journey Begins

Jed wanted my help. So I was willing to help him.

There was a number of directions we could have started with him, but I decided we should fix his style first since people do judge you in the first few seconds of looking at you.

Our first stop was the Beverly Center in Los Angeles, where we worked on his style. Unfortunately, each time he tried something on he had excuses why his current clothes were better than the new clothes.

  • The new jeans were too tight
  • The shirts were too fitted
  • The shoes were uncomfortable
  • There was enough excuses to last you a year

There was nothing I could really do. If someone doesn’t want to change, you can’t make them.

But He Got Lucky

I wouldn’t say I gave up on Jed at the mall but I wasn’t going to force him to change his style if he didn’t want to. So we took a walk so I could try to figure out why he was battling with changing his style so much.

He was the one that wanted the help.

As we walked around, we ran into another girl Jed had a big crush on that we mutually knew. Of course he was awkward around her but I told her to join us as we went to find some new clothes for Jed.

So she came with us. And Jed tried on more clothes.

This time, instead of me telling him what looked good, I asked our friend. And she told him what he was trying on looked a lot better than what he was wearing.

I still remember what he said to her. “If you think it looks good, then I’m going to buy it.” Total beta move but fine by me.

Positive Reinforcement

The following Monday, Jed came to school with a completely new style.

Later in the day he came up to me all excited “everyone is saying I am dressed so well!!” This might have been the first time in his life he heard such a compliment.

This small positive reinforcement that his new look was better helped him realize changing was a good thing. But he still had excuses.

The Four-Eyed Loser

I have nothing against glasses. If you get some fashionable glasses then you can look really good.

But Jed didn’t have “cool” glasses. He had wired glasses that weren’t updated for maybe 10 years.

Trying to explain to Jed that he might want to try getting a new pair of frames or maybe contacts was again talking to a brick wall.

Fortunately for this beta male, he broke his glasses and had to make a change. While he was waiting for new glasses to be ordered he was forced to wear a pair of contact lenses he never wore.

Again he got compliments on his new look which again made him realize change needed to be made.

Far From Alpha

Although Jed was making some changes to his look, he was far from Alpha.

I mentioned he should start working out. His response was “working out isn’t fun. It hurts after I go to the gym.”

What the hell??

Then there’s the beta mentality and the poor body language. These two were the most difficult of all to fix.

The only way to really make him believe that changing would make his life better was for him to experience success himself. So I took him out in Hollywood.

The Night That Changed Jed’s Life

Don’t get me wrong, Jed was still a beta male. But he was making a lot of progress.

We went out one night in Hollywood since I lived right off Hollywood Blvd. Jed never went out so this was a great chance for him to just enjoy the night.

To make a long story short, I met a girl and was chatting her up. Jed was starting to hate life once again and just decided to ask some girl “can I sit here?”. She was said yes and he tried to talk to her. I have no clue what he said to her..

All I know is he ended up making out with her and getting her number.

He was on cloud 9 the next day. He finally began to believe. From there things began to pick up.

From 0 to 100mph

Jed began to make some big changes. I helped him fix his body language and even helped him not be so awkward.

We worked on his mentality and become more positive. We cut out the emotional beta behavior he was used to.

He ended up getting a getting a girlfriend and a sales job. Both would never have been nearly impossible to do if he stayed a complete beta male.

I was happy to help Jed achieve the success he was having in life. He was making money, living a life where he was doing what he wanted, and he was sticking up for himself. He stopped giving a shit what everyone thought about it.

Not Every Story Has a Happy Ending

But you’re probably asking, wait a minute James, why are you telling me this story? It’ just another success story!

This is not the case.

Like I’ve always said, being an alpha male is a choice. It’s a decision that you decide to make.

In this case, although Jed had some really great success early on. He struggled to maintain the alpha mentality. Life was good for the guy but he started to revert to his beta ways.

  • When things didn’t go right at work, he lashed out and wrote profane emails to his coworkers.
  • He began to treat people terribly because he thought he was better than others
  • He started to lie to people and hide mistakes instead of hold himself accountable. This ended up catching up to him.

Now he’s essentially back to where he was when he started. It’s a real bummer.

You Can Only Help Those That Want Help

Unfortunately, what we have learned along the way is that beta males cannot become alpha males over night. So if you are a struggling beta male, understand the importance of perseverence and patience.

Know that you make the decision to be alpha or beta.

It’s disappointing when an aspiring alpha male reverts back to his beta male ways. They learn of this whole new world and experience it for awhile but go back to their beta ways.

You can hear it when you talk to them and see it in their face, they are miserable. But they are also comfortable.

The journey to alpha is not easy. And many betas would rather give up than persevere. They don’t have the mental toughness.

Don’t let this be you.

We want to help everyone, but not everyone wants our help. When you’re ready, we are here for you.

The Moral Of the Story

I could have shared another story with you. A story of a beta male that became alpha and is living a fulfilled life where he has what he wants in life. There are plenty of these success stories.

The point of this story was to tell you that you can only help yourself. To Be Alpha and any other person or site can only take you so far. It’s really up to you.

Jed was living the life after struggling in the beginning. But he reverted back to his comfort zone of being beta. If you go through this journey, always keep Jed in the back of your head. And tell yourself one thing.

Don’t be like Jed. Instead…

Be Alpha.

We can only help

We can’t force you to be someone you don’t want to be

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Aaron

    Haha don’t be Jed. Got it!! So what is he up to know? Assuming you still know him.

    Do alphas associate with betas??

  • Mike Allen

    This is a really sad story. Why would he ever want to revert back? Why would anyone want to be friends with someone that behaves this way?

    • Not everyone wants to go through what it really takes to change their life. The comfort zone can be your worse enemy. For Jed, it’s his bestfriend (I guess).

  • Subway Joe

    I never want to be this guy. But I think I am. Thank you for pointing all of this out for me.

    I got really lucky I found this site

    • Yea, don’t be like Jed man. That’s the reason why I wrote this. Sometimes we all need examples.

  • Wai Yan Soe

    That story really touched my heart.
    I was alpha when I was school. But when I arrived university, I was broken heart and I turned to beta exactly like Jed. But now I am trying to turn to alpha. But I am still weak in social. What should I do?
    I am really happy and thint I am lucky I found this site

    • A broken heart is a very difficult thing to recover from. Its funny how love can be such a great feeling one moment and then bring you so much pain the next. It sounds like you’ve recovered from that – which most people do after a period of time. If you’ve been alpha before, you can be alpha again. Being in college/university is a great time in your life and getting more social is very easy. College gives you so many opportunities to meet people. All you need to do is take advantage of them.

      In terms of meeting more people – join clubs, do student activities, meet people in class, and maybe do intramurual sports if you’re athletic. Socially you need to actually open up and talk to people. Don’t be the wall flower thinking if you show up, people will talk to you. Lots of guys and girls in college may look confident and outgoing but many have their own self-doubts and just “want to fit in”. People like to talk and meet new people. It’s your job to start the conversation, especially if you want to reclaim your alpha status.

      “Hey, how’s it going..I’m Wai” is a great start. If that’s too difficult try something a little easier like comment on something you see (“Whoa, look at that”)…chances are people will either engage with you or they won’t. You won’t become friendly with everyone you meet but the more you try the more you will.

      Once you build yourself back up, you’ll be the man. Parties, girls, opportunities…they’ll all be there for you.

      If you’re not even at this point yet that you’re ready to start socializing, then you have to start back at the beginning and get the fundamentals back in place. Body language, mental aspect, physical….build yourself back up.

  • Wai Yan Soe

    Thanks for your advice.
    I am going to taking action.

    • Awesome man. I got a post you might find helpful coming out tonight or tomorrow. Keep me posted on how things go.

  • Wai Yan Soe

    Today, I asked myself a few questions at home ;
    Where should I go to socialize? ( Our university is closing now )
    Where do alpha males usually go? ( I want to be surrounded with good people or alpha males ).
    But I have no idea. So I thought that if I am thinking about these all the time at home, I will never meet a person. So I stepped out from my house. I went to internet shop. On my way, I saw a girl who is my aquaindance, I used to pretend I didn’t see her, and I smiled at her. So did she. I felt good. And then I chatted saying hi with the persons I have never talked before ( including my classmates and senior students ) in facebook. In the evening, I went to my cousin house. I used eye contact, body language showing my interest while he is talking about his girlfriend.
    I didn’t satisfy my day. I want to make many new friends but not in the internet. But I think this is a first step and I will continue. Taking acting is important, right? ( I have read your post ). I will tell you how things going after a few months. Being alpha takes times,right? I will never give up.
    I have read your post: Get out of your head. It helps me. I have known how to warm up.
    I request, please write about social more and I wanna know how do alpha walk?
    Good luck!!

    • Good for you man. Yea be more social in person not on the internet. Use the internet for what you need to and maybe to set up plans but be social. You will definitely set yourself apart from many others if you know how to socialize and talk to people. Mobile phones, the internet and other tech devices are making people more and more anti social. So even approaching random girls maybe something very few encounter often. I can only imagine if men will even do such a think in 10 years from now when online dating become even more acceptable.

      Hang out where the pretty girls are. Hang out where in areas where people you want to be around are. In NYC there are a lot of places people hang out at so its easy. If I want to be around people that have the same interest as me I’ll go to those types of places (boxing gym, book store, coffee shops). It’s a personal preference. Maybe a shopping centre? Downtown?

      Yes this all takes time. You are taking action which is good. But it’s a fight every day to continue to do it until it becomes a part of you. It will happen just focus on improving yourself.

      Keep us posted. Sign up for our forum when the link is back up.

  • Wai Yan Soe

    Hey man,
    I really thank you for all your help.
    Here my second step is!

    Today, I went to a boxing gym. There were five guys there. Firstly, I listened what they said and I asked questions them about the topic what they were talking. And then I asked about them. I introduced myself. We got to know each other and were glad to become friends. At night, unexpectedly, my childhood friend who I haven’t seen so long came around. We decided to stay in contact.

    That’s my today action.
    I am elated.

    Your posts help me a lot.
    I wanna say u again ‘Thanks’.
    I will try to take action to be alpha every day and if u have any advice for me to improve, pls tell me.

    • Just try to figure out the type of person you want to be and what you want in your life. Then work on obtaining that. Once you know what you want you can figure out what you need to do. Taking action does not seem to be a problem for you. Keep the momentum going.