Take Control of Your Life

Calling someone a super beta male is a bit dramatic. Any sort of beta male is bad enough. To be called a super beta male. You might be in some trouble. You might need the help of To Be Alpha.

Before we know if you need to overhaul your life, let’s just make sure you’re a beta male.

If you answer yes to any of the following then you probably should consider making some big changes to your life to life a more fulfilling life.

You Might Be A Beta Male If… 

1. You wake up each morning unhappy with how your life is turning out. 

If yes, it’s time to make some changes.

2. You’re a dreamer. You like to use the words “I wish..”, “If only..”, “I don’t have..”,  “I would but..”

You won’t get far in life making excuses.

3. You’re afraid of change. Uncertainty and the unknown scare you.

If you keep doing what you have always done, you will get what you have always got.

4. You get emotional when things don’t work out your way.

When is the last time crying as an adult got you far in life?

5. You look at other people and wish you had their lives.

Instead of focusing on what other people have, find ways to get what you want.

6. You regret not doing things you want to do every day because you feel inadequate (jobs, girls, life, favors)

Stop searching for perfection. The cold hard truth is that no one is perfect. Be happy with what you got and get what you want.

7. You think trying is good enough.

You need to start having the winning mentality. Going to the gym and texting is not good enough. Staring at girls instead of talking to them is not good enough. Looking at job postings and not applying is not good enough. Day dreaming is not good enough.

8. You don’t hold yourself accountable

Instead of realizing you may be at fault or didn’t do what you were suppose to do, you try to blame something or someone else. It’s never your fault.

9. You don’t think you can do any better

You settle at life. This includes who you are, what you believe in, your career, your relationships, and your lifestyle.

10. You waste a lot of time

You know you should be taking action to take control of your life but instead of putting in the hard work you do things that make you feel good (watching tv, going out, surfing the internet or social media)

11. You complain, a lot. And it makes you feel better.

You’re a negative person and just want people to listen to how your life sucks and tell you they understand. You fail to realize that you might be the problem.

12. You want other people to hold your hand

You’re a follower. You don’t want to make the tough decisions because you’re afraid you’ll be wrong or things won’t go right. You want people to tell you what to do.

13. You’re a people pleaser

You’ll bend over backwards to help people. Not because you are nice. But because you secretly want something out of this. You keep score and expect favors to be returned.

14. You’re an online troll

In real life you’re a coward. But online you’re the biggest baddest guy in the world.

15. First you’re nice. Then you’re rude. Then you’re nice again.

You go through phases when you want something and can’t get it. You try being nice. When that doesn’t work, you get upset. Then realize you have to try being nice again.

16. You take the easy way out every chance you get

You’re always looking for short cuts or the magic pill. You thinking cheating the system is the way to go.

17. You have no sense of style

You dress like a “nice guy”. You don’t really think about what you wear or the image you convey. Chances are your style hasn’t changed in over 10 years.

18. You have nothing to look forward to

There is no excitement in your life or adventure on the horizon. What you have is what you will have. Forever.

19. You talk down on yourself

You lack self confidence. You think other people are better than you and because of this, you envy them.

20. You are never happy for other people

Instead of being happy for other people when they share good news, you secretly are upset that good things are not happening to you.

21. You hold grudges

Instead of moving on with your life when someone treats you bad or disrespects you, you seek revenge.

22. You talk behind people’s back

You pretend to be everyone’s friend but then go behind their back and talk about them to others. You put on a front that you are a super nice guy when in fact you are not.

23. You agree with everyone

You have no opinions of your own. You are a “yes man”. You believe if you agree with everyone, they will like and respect you more than if you had your own voice.

24. You know very little about anything

You’ve never spent the time to becoming an expert at anything so you can’t have real conversations. Instead a lot of your conversations are very high level and you are always trying to change the subject.

25. You let people treat you like sh*t

You let people take advantage of you and talk down on you. No one respects and you just accept this.

26. You think working out is too hard

You complain about your body being sore if you work out. So you’d rather not do it.

27. You post status updates whenever you finally go to the gym

You have to announce to the world you are going to the gym because it’s a special occasion.

28. You’re a bragger

You say things like “I know this guy…” or “My friends do cool sh*t like..” or “I’m going to Italy tell me what I should see..” You announce to the world things that you think will make you “cool.”

29. You’re unoriginal

You pretend like you came up with ideas and concepts and take credit for work that isn’t yours. You don’t give credit where credit is due.

30. You think material items will make you cooler

Money is the answer to all your problems. You buy “things” to make you feel better about yourself.

31. You have road rage but you’d never get out of your car if you were called out

You talk a big game but when push comes to shove you’ll back down.

32. You like to say “the girls here aren’t that hot” instead of being a man and talking to them

You’re afraid of rejection and embarrassing yourself. So rather than try you make excuses so you don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

33. You lie…a lot

In order to make yourself feel worthy you like to lie to people. You fabricate stories and dramatize events in order to make people think you are better than you really are.

34. You give people the silent treatment

Instead of facing reality and expressing your feelings and thoughts or disagreements you just ignore people. You think your problems will magically disappear if you don’t say anything.

35. You live in a world of fantasy

You might be addicted to porn or play more video games than you do interacting with the real world.

36. You always make up “What if” scenarios

You come up with disaster scenarios for every situation. Nothing in your mind turns out well unless it’s the thought of doing nothing.

37. You wait for opportunities to present themselves

You believe good things come to those who wait. You don’t go out of your way to make things happen.

38. You watch a lot of motivational videos or read a lot of self help books

You continue to search for motivation to change your life. Your endless pursuit for all the answers is your worse enemy.

39. You take the elevator or the escalator instead of the stairs

You’re a lazy SOB.

40. You’re really gullible

You believe anything anyone says. People know this and take advantage of you this way.

41. You’re afraid to ask for help

You don’t want anyone to know you might not know something. You’re unwilling to admit to yourself or let it be known you can’t do everything alone.

42. You don’t have a healthy sex life

If you don’t have a healthy sex life, you might not be a complete loser. But having one is better than not.

43. You don’t have any hobbies

If someone ask you what you do for fun and you say “Nothing” or “I don’t know” then you probably should find ways to pass the time.

44. You never go outside

If your skin never sees sunlight or you’re hiding in your bedroom, then you need to make some big changes.

45. You’re miserable but don’t know why.

Being negative all the time is not healthy. It can carry over in all parts of your life and ruin your relationships.

46. If you’re unhappy with your life, this is super beta male status for sure.

You need to take control of your life.

47. You are a try hard

You try hard to impress people but fail miserably at it.

48. You’re afraid to stand out

You want to fit in and are afraid to do anything that may draw attention to yourself. You get embarrassed when others you associate with also draw attention to you.

49. You don’t know how to take care of yourself

You can’t cook. You need someone to tell you what looks good on you. You have no idea how to find the resources you need to survive on your own. You’re practically an adult, but still a child.

50. You like to gossip

You like to tell people things you shouldn’t tell. You like to spread rumors even though you might not think you are spreading rumors. You’re a chatty cathy.

51. You don’t know what personal space means

You are the awkward guy that stands too close to people. You don’t know that you might be invading someone’s space.

52. You’re a know it all

You think you have all the answers or feel the urge to always say something even though there are times when silence is golden.

53. It’s your way or the highway

You don’t like to compromise or admit that you might be wrong.

54. “I’ll start tomorrow” is a phrase you use often

You push things off because you’re afraid to face the inevitable or do the hard work to obtain your goals.

55. You’re afraid to make eye contact with others

You avoid confrontation at all cost. This includes looking people in the eyes and getting “caught” staring.

56. You’re a creep and stare at people you think are attractive

Staring is not alpha. Neither is being a creep.

57. You over promise, and under-deliver.

You are afraid to say no so you always say yes. You end up not meeting people’s expectations.

If You’ve Made It This Far

Hopefully not of these signs fit who you are. But if they do, then you might want to make some changes to your life.

We have created some great resources here at To Be Alpha to help men achieve the life they desire. And if you really are in need of some help then please use our resources.

Fortunately, everything we say and the advice we provide comes from experience. Either personal or from helping others. The goal is to help you break through mental barriers and help you take action.

With action and a positive mentality, just about anything is possible.


Be Alpha.

We are having problems with the mobile / tablet site so you aren’t seeing some links. This is the link to The Book of Alpha (if interested). 

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • George P

    Some of these really make you say wow. I read through the entire list and more than one time I said yes I do this. It’s sad really. I know I need to change though. Thank you for providing this information. I’ll be returning for sure. Thanks, George.

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  • Wai Yan Soe

    How does an alpha male do if he is talked down or treated like sh*t?

    • #1: Don’t get emotional like don’t start yelling and crying to the person disrespecting you. You’re a man don’t look like a baby.
      #2: Confront him like a man. If he’s disrespecting you ask him “What’s wrong? Are you having a bad day or something? Why are you getting so emotional (or passive aggressive)?” This can turn the tables on the individual to make them look like the beta that is emotional. If he’s treating you like sh*t, again don’t overreact just ask him “Is there a problem?” Don’t share your feelings like “I feel like you’re being mean. I want you to respect me!!” None of that bs. It’s too weak. Your goal is to make him feel inferior to you and the best way to do that is to be calm and make him explain himself and his actions. If all else fails and he’s really treating you like sh*t you really need to stand up for yourself and push back and that’s where going to the boxing gym comes in 😉
      #3: If you have an alpha life then the chances of this ever happening or even caring if this happens to you are slim.

    • Eric

      If you’re an alpha, betas will always talk behind you. Talking smack is their way of trying to devalue you in the eyes of others (especially women). The best way to handle it is to laugh it off with a “whatever dude”. If you get mad and get in his face you come off looking like a beta yourself. It’s always the betas that you see out getting in each other’s faces (waiting for someone to break it up)

      • goob

        See, here lies the problem with the whole beta/alpha argument. It’s completely subject to the situation and a lot of the arguments are really flawed and cancel each other out. To be an alpha you have to laugh it off and ignore them, but that’s ALSO beta material as shown above, avoiding confrontation and just laughing it off. Lets say you don’t laugh it off and come off as an alpha who won’t take shit from someone and you get in someone’s face, oh, now that’s ALSO being beta because you let that other person bother you and you’re up in their face.

        • Not sure where you got this laughing off thing as being alpha or beta? We’ve never written any such thing on this site about laughing it off. Check out #25 – don’t let people treat you like shit. People should have enough respect for themselves to not let people disrespect them. If it happens then you need to stand up for yourself. I would never recommend you just ignore people – that’s not alpha (#34). However, the difference between an alpha and a beta male is the thickness of their skin. There are times when the bigger man (alpha) doesn’t need to provide a reaction to show he/she is the bigger person.

    • Anthony

      Like him or hate him, President Obama is a perfect example of an Alpha male. What do you think he would do if someone talked down to him? Firstly he is always prepared with a defense of his thoughts and positions, so it’s rare that someone can dress him down in public on any thing. Secondly, he never gets flustered or emotional, which is usually what people want to happen when they talk down to you, they want you to l one your cool. Most times when the Beta is getting flustered or bent out of shape its because whatever the insult is that someone is saying, it’s TRUE and they don’t have a defense.

  • Clark

    Before I found this site and got The Book of Alpha, I would have have said yes to every item here. I know my life sucked and i always wish I was someone else, but not now. Good thing, I found your site bro. The book of alpha is a gem! hope to see more stuff like that in the future..

  • Betty

    I think I fit the description of an omega male more, which is even shittier than a beta, Fuck!

  • Eric

    Damn… I’ve been working on a lot of that, but I’ve clearly got a while to go.

  • Kim Il Sung

    “38. You watch a lot of motivational videos or read a lot of self help books”

    You should probably remove that line if you want to keep selling your ebooks… :p

    • I don’t really care. If people are really spending too much time online looking for the magic pill then they need to know. It’s up to people to decide if something is worth purchasing or not. I’m not here to scam anyone.

  • RandoGirl

    Add to the section about lying a lot the fact of lying to women to get them in bed. every beta male I meet has to give me some story about something he can do for me, some way he can help my career out whatever, and then the promises never pan out. I of course don’t put out without being in an exclusive relationship, and long before a guy could ask me to be his girlfriend his promises always reveal themselves as bait, as in the guy dangling a carrot in front of me. beta males don’t have the courage to just ask a girl out, they have to lie in order to get a girl’s interest. but sadly this is a downward spiral because once they get caught they don’t get any further forward, then they feel like a jerk for being caught lying, then their self esteem plummets even lower, then they have to lie again to try to win a woman and the cycle continues on. Pathetic.

    • That is great that you are aware of this! Yes there are men that do this and it is very sad.

    • Anthony

      The Alpha male might do this too but he will be honest about it and won’t do it as “carrot dangling” but as a reward afterwards and he certainly won’t put favors and “rewards” on the table beforehand. More like you’re having a conversation with Alpha and say you put in a resume at xyz company and he knows the hiring manager, he may put in a call quietly later on and give you a recommendation

  • Nick

    I’ve got 38 out of these 57. Being in my 40s it’s time for me to man up and stop accepting loser status and being treated like shit.

    • Anthony

      Good for you man. Took me a long time to stop being a loser and start commanding my life. You can do it, it’s never too late. These are LEARNED behaviors that can be UNLEARNED.

  • Tom Dalh

    About the eye contact thing – how exactly does it work? ‘Not making eye contact’ is considered a beta trait, but ‘staring at attractive women’ is also considered a beta trait? If so, what is the correct way for an alpha male to act around an attractive woman?

    • Hey Tom – you don’t want to stare at random girls like a creep. That’s different than making eye contact when talking to her or catching her eye when you don’t know her. If it’s a girl you’re flirting with then there’s a bunch more than can go on with eye contact to be flirty and seductive. I don’t think we really go over that on the site any more.

    • George

      I’m starting to think the term beta male is a sum of every weakness ever. Notice every list of beta male traits also sells something to make you alpha.
      Sounds fishy to me.
      Try and trust your inner voice some more.

      Also eye contact is a great way to find out if a girl likes you.

    • Anthony

      No, doofus – staring at a woman is gazing longly at her body but not having the cajones to go over and introduce yourself and stake a claim. Any guy can stare at a hot woman’s body when she isn’t looking, but it takes the alpha to walk over, look her in the eye, and tell her that he’s interested and maintain that devastating eye contact the entire time. If you want to see it in action watch the movie The Aviator and see how Howard Hughes played by Leonardo DiCaprio picks up the waitress about halfway into the movie. 100% Alpha Moment.

  • Frankie Baton

    These are all characterisitcs that describe most women

    • Anthony

      I noticed that too haha. That’s why women are totally comfortable friend zoning Mr Beta.

  • DK

    I have read your article. it is very impressive. Frankly speaking, I have all the above qualities of beta male as described. I am 21 and I am very worried about this.

    • 03two

      Dont worry. Just be yourself (love yourself) and maybe work on balance. Embrace the yin (feminine) energy AND yang (masculine) energy. The outward and inward forms of intelligence are essential. There are some issues to me when it comes to this alpha beta stuff. For one This world has suffered enough with us men not having balance and just embracing the masculine energy. Both feminine AND masculine intelligence are essential within ones being. Im not talking about the human embodiment of these energies (girl and boy). Tap into and embrace both. Being sensitive AND being outgoing are both beautiful in their own right. The key is BALANCE.

  • DoubleMeh

    Nice list. It was an interesting read. I know people with many of these traits – I’ll have them see this list.

  • Nishnat Biswas

    most of the features explained here are that of a mid level to low level DELTA and not beta.

    who are beta men???? government officers, army officers, police officers, corporate senior managers etc etc. there may be some alphas / sigmas/ gammas and deltas in these groups, but mostly they are betas. its tough to differentiate between alpha and beta. beta is the system. alpha is above the system.

    beta is the best place to be. i am not a beta, but I envy them. the most important difference between an alpha and beta is that a beta’s pride is in accomplishment. an alpha’s pride is in existence although there is accomplishment neverthe less.

  • Nishnat Biswas

    one cannot make a beta into an alpha. professionally, beta is the best position to be. they take career and social laws very seriously. they have self confidence and believe in self development. thats why they reach the top. alpha is a different creature altogether. a beta can become a gamma if he starts to envy the alpha. if he faces a tough life and finds out the hollowness of society, ambition, pride, human beings etc etc, he unofficially leaves the society and becomes a sigma. now, lets make a summary-

    alpha – above the system (3%)
    sigma- contempt towards system. outside and above the system(2%)
    beta- is the system (10%)
    gamma- believes in system. wants to rule the system. envious of the alpha. contempt towards beta.(10%)
    delta- believes in system. wants to follow, alpha and beta. the normal guy. (65%)
    omega- lowest level of the system. all other groups look down on them. (10%)

    we all need system. but what matters is how a person view the system. most people we come across in life are deltas. most movies are made by keeping deltas and omegas in mind. the perspective we get in this world is delta. betas are successful because they are successful from delta perspective.

  • Justin Mathis

    You’re list is mostly contradictions in character. I guess you might have been going for sterotype traits? Each behavior you listed happens within a context, which is important to take into consideration. Moreover, these “alpha” traits which I’m guessing are the opposite of everything listed here, happen to people whom were accepted by society without any effort of their own, due to body type and brain chemistry. Men are experiments in an environment which changes unexpectedly. Telling a very large portion of the human male population that the reason people don’t like them is due to them being weak minded is funny for how degenerate it is. You should instead look at men as being ready for a world which does not exist, in which their mental traits would be signs of success for a world which demands them. Now, the reason for some of these behaviors has its root in being rejected from an early age. Seeing your friends or relatives be accepted without bias while you just can’t win by contrast. A life of experiencing this creates the behaviors which you associate with being a “beta” male. You assume that these personality traits can be removed and the individual would recover, this is completely ignoring the reason those traits where there to begin with.

    So really, fuck you, fuck you to hell, take a gun and blow your tiny brains out. You worthless pile of shit.

  • Rabid Rabbit

    Lame list.

  • Ostnizdasht206 .

    Lol all of the angry betas in the comments.

  • TZO2K15

    Yup, Not a beta, just an alpha that stumbled…And lingered there for a bit too long.