Take Control of Your Life

This is going to be an ongoing list of ways to be an asshole but not in a way that makes you look like a complete asshole. For the most part you should always be direct and honest with people but there are times you have to be an asshole to people.

If you’re going to be an asshole you might as well do it right.

1) Call someone by the wrong name

I used to call this guy Martin for an entire year. His name was Mike. I didn’t do it on purpose, but what an asshole move! 

Recently I asked a quora question – to my surprise it got over 500 follows, 200+ comments and 294k views. One guy named Raymond Tran tried to be a dick so I called him Trang (his last name with a g at the end). I kept saying “Don’t be an idiot, Trang.” It really got him pissed. Sorry, I’m not sorry, Trang!

If you actually know the person’s name and want to be a dick do this. It doesn’t matter what name you use just pretend whatever name you call them by is their real name. 

2) Spell someone’s name wrong

Turn James into Jamie. Stephen into Steven. Daphne into Dafne. Whatever you want. Just spell their name wrong on purpose. People will notice and think you’re such an asshole for not even knowing how to spell their name correctly. It’s a great way to get under people’s skin and fuck with them. 

3) Shorten someone’s name without asking if it’s ok

Some people hate nicknames or think only certain people should be allowed to shorten their name. Do it anyway because you want to. Alpha. 

4) Call someone by their last name

There used to be a guy I worked with that had napoleon complex. He’d call everyone by their last name and everyone was like “WTF!!?” Total dick move but pretty funny. 

There was also a beta I worked with that was such a dumbass. Someone would call him by his last name all the time and one day the beta got so upset the beta lashed out “MY NAME IS JOSEPH! CALL ME BY MY FIRST NAME!” Relax, son!

5) Ask someone to repeat themselves even if you heard them – “I’m sorry what did you say?”

Total asshole move. It’s like saying “sorry the shit you say is not that important, so I wasn’t listening.” Love it. 

6) Don’t hold the door for someone

People find this really rude. I wouldn’t really recommend it but do it anyway if you feel like being an asshole. 

7) Make people feel self-conscious of themselves by saying “Whoa what are you wearing?” …”Nevermind.”

Making people feel uncertain or question themselves is pretty fucked up but being asshole isn’t suppose to be nice. 

8) When someone is talking, talk over them to the same person.

This is pretty alpha and you should learn how to do this even if you don’t want to be an asshole. 

9) to come….keep checking in!

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